Foggy afternoons

The hills are dressed in semipermeable fogg veils, the green of my beloved trees looks mysterious now and dark and melancholic - as if from another world...

I pack up my mind and disappear into my dream world, ah I can't deny, I've lived a double life, one here, rough-and-ready, the other one in my imagination, in my longings and dreams. A genuine child born under the star sign of the ever-dreaming and idealistic piscies...
And as I am listening to Noir Desir emotions and thoughts mingle and swirl me into a weird state of mind: I miss my sister, i am upset that she deleted my email without responding, I miss her children, I miss her respect, I miss her recognition, I miss the opportunities I had to prove myself worthy to her, I miss being fit and always on the top of things, taking advantage of every which situation that presented itself to me the last past 7 months in the city of Angels, I miss a person that I am NOT. apparently.

Ah, acceptance.

That's me, in the corner, that's me, dreaming away. And who says, that a dreamy life can't be as beautiful as any other? Hm. Maybe I just don't know and that's why I don't bother.

Such a bliss, to be ignorant. The foolish and the children are blessed by gods mercy.
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Information drips into my conscience: my love, called, he might have to go to jail.

Shadows of the past looming in the air, like a mirage in the heat of the Sahara...Lurking around the corner, always threatening, always seeming to grasp our souls and scare us to death.
And the worst death is the one that occurs before your body dies. When your soul or your mind rots away, caught up in the skeleton of time and guilt and self-pitiying regrets.
See, my love, this will not happen to us. I remained calm. No reason to get excited. No reason to freak out. This is LIFE. Nobody said it would be easy nor perfect. If you go to jail I hope with all my heart that it won't be for long or that people won't rape you in the butt when you bend over to get the soap...But, I won't freak out. I won't leave you in the lurch, I won't abandon you ever over something like that. Only over my dying heart.
To be honest, I can't freak out over something like that, I can take way more. WAY MORE. That's karma baby. That's justice. And if it doesn't happen this way it will happen another way.

Pray, pray, excercise forgiveness and you will be forgiven.

Pray my love, and I will pray for thee.


I remember how my dad told me once, long ago, that I shouldn't worry about not being devastated over the fact that really good friends of ours got a divorce. My sister cried and cried and I got worried, whether maybe I am cold hearted...
And he said: No, Emeralda, you are built to take WAY MORE.

And Lord, it is WAY MORE when your lover is about to be taken to jail. It makes me wonder. How I could remain that calm. I hope he doesn't think I don't care. I care with all my heart. I will pray with all my heart. I will take care of him , I will do everything to get him out there and all that. But I won't freak out. I take life, as it comes.