she lost her heart in san francisco

she said she lost her heart in san Francisco and I walk through the
streets and hide my tears behind my shades. her dad died when she was here and her love failed to make love to her and him she lost too. and now i am here, months later, couples walk by, hand in hand, soulfully peacefully fully of confidence it seems.
the sun goes down and I still feel my heart beating, but today it
beats in the right side of my chest, it is no longer more towards the
left side and i feel a thousand little sobs hide behind my muscles.
i wonder whether this is it and whether this is it how it feels like
when you lose it.
i just so don't feel you there anymore. your voice is distand and weak
and your words are full of hate and contempt and intolerance, things
we've been over for so many times already but right now i really can't
listen to them. i don't know, maybe it s right for you to be that way.
but the strongest message i get from Christ's teachings is the one of
love and mercy and forgivingness. you can't look down at these people
and you can't judge anybody. it makes me feel so sick. like I am going
to lose you.
the beauty of the now and the here slowly eats my brain and i fight
against it and i cry and i lament and i am terrified.
it is so fucking beautiful.
and you are not there.
and not here
and i don't know
i don't know
i simply don't know

anymore