done wrong

'believe me, that's it. it's funny how everybody has their little explanations and theories and concepts. I know myself better than anyone and I know for a fact that this is it.'
'Well if you want it to be..'
'Well, maybe i want it then. this is it Emeralda. You've taken me to my limits. You've shown me everything I wanted to see. And I am very grateful for that. Really I am, you don't know, if I only could put it in words...'
'You have no idea, I wanted to show you so much more...there is so much more'
'I don't care It is all I ever wanted...'
*trying to be cool, not be stupid womanish. don't be mad. be cool*
'so you just got what you needed and wanted and left then..' *damn! you wanted to be cool!!! damn...*
'Emeralda..please. is this the point where we get mad and have to hang up...'
'no. *fuck* it's okay. really. it is.'
'I might have to leave'
'i know'
'I hope i can see you before that because if not that would really suck. it would be just sad'
'you can't shock me anymore my love'
'what?'
'I meant, that you can't shock me anymore. it would just be another thing that I would take as it is'
'That's good...
I really love you Emeralda, man, I do...'

I do this only because you are sick. Your ignorance infuriates me. But what should I say. Probably you are right. Probably. It's ridiculous how this love was prescribed in songs. All those songs. The first song we listened to together was 'I threw it all away' and 'Lay lady Lay' by Bob Dylan. How ironic. And then 'little wing'. how you jumped almost out of the car when you realized that your most favorite song in this world is about me......and indeed, the lyrics fit better than I 'd like to admit.... And back in April I was listening to Ani di Franco's 'Done wrong' in a loop. It was during our first big crisis. I didn't know and I never wanted to look at it this way, but taking all my comprehending considerations about your current situation and your past aside, this is pretty much how it feels like:

the wind is ruthless
the trees shake angry fingers at the sky
the people hunch their shoulders
hold their collars over their earsand run by
it's a cold rain
it's a hard rain
like the kind that you find in songs
i guess that makes methe jerk with the heartache
here to sing youabout how i've been done wrong

and i am sitting, watching
out the window of the coffee shop
and i am waiting, waiting
waiting for it to let up
i am rocking like a cradle
warming my hands with the cup in between
i am leaning over the table
holding my face over the steam

and before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay,
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed

it just all slips
away so slowly
you don't even notice till you've lost a lot
i've been like one of those zombies
in vegas
pouring quarters into a slot
and now i'm tired
and i am broke
and i feel stupid and i feel used
and i'm at the end of my little rope
and i am swinging back and forth
about you

before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

like how could you do nothing

and say, i'm doing my best

how could you take almost everything

and then come back for the rest

how could you beg me to stay,

reach out your hands and plead

and then pack up your eyes and run away

as soon as i agreed