Easier

I guess that just makes it easier for me. To let go.
I guess what hurts most though about it is, that you've placed so little trust in me. I was the most forgiving, loving, understanding, supportive person, I still am. I still tell myself how it doesn't have to do with me but with you being used to hiding stuff away and avoiding trouble by lying. It's hard to break patterns. And it's a long time ago.
But I told you repeatedly that HONESTY is the one thing that matters to me.
In order to be forgiven you need to confess first. You didn't. In fact, you made it worse. Is it this the thorn that has been hurting all along, suppurating, festering....yuck. Is it maybe that this again was my biggest issue in yet another disguise? me being too tolerant. I've always wondered whether that is actually the case. Sometimes you've got to put a fist on the table as they say in German and let it rain. Hard. But no, again, I was so forgiving, so understanding, so tolerating. So fucking NICE. How disgusting. I hope at least it taught you something. But most likely it totally got to you and you felt even worse because you didn't get the deserved punishment motherfucker. Yeah. You are such a sucker. Such a loser. Ah, yeah, finally, there we go. Spit it out baby. Let it all out. Call him all those names.
Can I get off the couch now?
No, come on, blog on a little bit. Be a little bit more angry.
Well okay, if you want me to!
So first, I am going to listen to Fat Freddy's Drop now. I kind of got too much into his music I guess. I loved it, don't get me wrong. But, if I really think about it, I should be honest with myself: I am very adaptable. Nothing wrong with it? Well i don't know. matter of fact is, it is about time to listen to 'lame' New Zealandish Dub music and fucking get back on the wave I was on when exploding in Berlin. I exploded in all different colors and I was happy, yeah.
Okay, it was all beautiful. Baby. It was. And I am thankful for every which experience we had.
So get to the point bitch.
Ah, okay. fuck man, i can't be mad.
Oh you already are, damnit.
Okay, fuck, yeah uhm hahaha. So you dug yourself a stupid hole you idiot! by telling me about the graduation party incident! hahahaha! because the incident you reported to A__ was three weeks before graduation MOTHERFUCKER! ha! so there we go, how comes you never told me about THAT? and how you slept over at her house. You guys were naked but nothing happened? You had a little infatuation thing going on with her but you didn't want me to know because it was nothing to worry about?
AH WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOSER? How came you got so crazy about me and Steve then? Oh, the time I talked to Steve again was the time when something cracked? I THINK, idiot, that something cracked with you being 'confused' about J_______ and then later, A__ too. Ha. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. BUT THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH BEING DISHONEST WITH ME.
i guess we all have different measurements. what is right and wrong, what is the one thing that is unacceptable.
First I thought, dang, I don't want to bother him with that. It's so long ago. It's over anyways. Why bother. But it hurts, oh my, it does. That you disregarded my big heart. That you didn't have the guts to tell me everything. Motherfucker. Dirty Hippie. Faker. Liar. Asshole. ( the reason why people break up on bad terms is, that it is way easier than when you still love each other as much as we do and yes, it helps to know this. just for me to get over it more quickly. I still don't hold anything really against you because I still think that learning is the most important thing here. people make mistakes. you gotta learn from them though you do you do you do! )
okay, thats too much
haha, i know. i don't even mean it.
oh come on you do mean it.
no i don't know but i sure love Fat Freddy's Drop.
yeah I do too.