asked, somewhat, but not like this but anyways this is it. early morning hour unknown ID caller it is my dad.
Oh dad. tears stream silently but i won't show him now. you put too much meaning into this whole thing my dear. overload. step back. this is about capacities of friendship. yours. no one in this world, neither your gypsy nor anybody else in this world can take your freedom away. don't restrict yourself. go ahead and discover. it is not the time of your life to tie knots and all.
oh daddy. you know, i take things so serious. what you say. what happens. life. love...
mom showed me your letter. i wanted to say something about it, just my humble opinion.
why did you call me out of the blue you never do.
that's why that's why.
things fall together and create a whole puzzle.
i am not puzzled anymore.
'hello?'
'how ya doin'
'good, good, thanks, thanks'
'so what's up?'
'do you still have it or did you lose it, the thing that B gave me?'
he knew immediately what i meant
'you won't get it back don't even think about it'
'but i should, you know she made it for me, herself, and i should have it....'
he knows what that means.
i want my destiny cube back.
two sides said YES
two sides said NO
one said my name which means use your reason
one said my nickname which means do the 'crazy' thing
he stole it. he took it from me. he said, coins never decide in his favor.
if we only knew what favor means because it did before and i thought it was in his favor.
but now i need to make decisions
and it is just an illusion
and i don't need it
but i want it back
because this too, means something.
and he knows it
it doesn't need words at all
only this one little thing
he is no longer in charge nor in control of my life
it sounds harsh, i know and it was never bad
but it's just like
he doesn't have the right anymore to keep my cube away
my way of deciding things
my way of believing in things
my way
my
m
and this has nothing to do with love
5 comments:
i like the way you draw the conflict between father and child. hints of resentment pop suddenly like dormant kernels of corn.
an interesting blog overall.
I love this post.
Emeralda,
Thank you. I've thought of him often over the years. And recently, when I thought about him, it felt completely different. I don't know how to explain it, other than to say, I felt like he was gone. And maybe he is. Maybe he thought about me while he was leaving, and the connection was still there, and that's how I know.
I don't know...
I wrote this for him
http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/2006/11/and-then-he-was-gone.html
Sorry to leave this here, but you never leave an email address with your comments! (hint!)
Thanks for reading, and commenting, it means a lot to me.
BTW, I can't comment on your blog with my blogger id. It's a hitch with Beta. I can only use my gmail id. But it's me ;)
Veronica
i dont' wanna take the fun out of this, or reveal unncessary parts of this body but....the funny thing, really is, veronica and you gorgeous alcoholic poet you, that it isn't really about my father. it is about my father encouraging me to move on and leave my lover behind. (how, ironically macaber) but that's the great thing about writing that it can be like painting. because the sequences are layered and the colors mean to you what they don't mean to me, just as the xmas tree means something entirely different to you even though you speak english too.
Ever more intriguing...
hmm, you're good at this.
;)
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