In The Dark Night

As I tried to sneak up the stairs he started to bark. Chocolate covered cranberries cracked between my teeth, I felt like a thief. Red, Gold, Orange flashes in my mind, remnances of a breathtaking flower bouqet that some Latino dude had brought into the bus, at 2 AM.
It's valentine day.
At home there is a cookie heart covered in red sugar on my bed. Reminds me of the things I wanted to do but never did.
Chocolate covered cranberries are the best.
I sit down and read. And remember.

There was a time when I came home with a dull knife in my heart. There was a corner in the old apartment building that held each day an empty sight for me. An empty door with no one waiting in front for me. There was a swimming pool at the old apartment building that held each night a full bright night sky for me, tangled up in little drops and waves of warm water.
There was a time when I sweated all the tears away on a treadmill next to the pool.
When I jumped up to the sound of my 'Lay Lady Lay' ringtone. When my heart jump started a paralyzed me.
There was a time when I couldn't cut garlic anymore. When I cried myself to sleep, when I embarrassed myself, when I retreated back into my shell.
Then there was a time when I walked and talked again. Me too, I was reborn.
I lost the bracelet I had made for you and since you never came to pick it up ... oh well... it didn't matter then, right?
The candles I had lit for you, they burnt down eventually.
The music changed.
The knife is sharp now. Cutting pieces and layers of emotions into edible patterns.
It is the heart that is dull, longing to be lulled into the kind of sleep you only get after having made amazing love to someone you love.

All the cranberries are gone now and the dog went back to sleep. There are new problems now, somebody else gives me grief. Somebody else puts hearts on my bed. It's not like I ever got one anyhow.