MOTHERFUCKERS

My hands are still shivering and tiny teeny little sobs bubble up inside of me to dissolve my sight.
A knife in the back, you fucking motherfuckers. How can you do that.
Voices fighting inside my head. One says, it's probably the saccharin angel, hey it's all good, it's probably for the best but the other voice just can't forgive that people don't even bother to make things work.
I could include myself in that one probably. Too self absorbed with my petty little problems. Who fucking cares.
Living alone is probably better. It still hurts, it's probably the immediate shock, it ripples through my body. They just asked me to leave. In two week.s Motherfuckers.
You have a sister in Santa Monica they say. You can leave your stuff there.
One of them, she used to be such a good friend, she says, you know, it's like staying in a dysfunctional relationship. I'd rather save our friendship by not living together. Whatever. THANK YOU BITCH. THanks for kicking me out of my dream house. Thanks for your patience. THanks for your interest in my life. Thanks for asking what was wrong with me. Thanks for caring when a bus almost ran me over. Thanks you stupid motherfuckers.
I wonder whether it's really for the best. Or whether it's just the easy way out. And, can I forgive them.
THey probably do that only because that french girls need a room. ANd doeson't she fit perfectly in your girly world.
I can't even walk outside into the night now because i am such a fucking giant pussy and don't wanna see anyone of them. I feel like moving out in the night when nobody sees me. I am so fucking embarrassed. That's it. man. At the core of it I am just plainly embarrassed. How did that fucking happen???? Am I really like a really blind idiot? Like a really egotistical self absorbed asshole that one can't live with? That's probably what boyfriends and girlfriends ask themselves when somebody breaks up with them. It's breaking up time, big time. One of them just broke up with ehr boyfriend again. And they break up with me.
Because it's important . you know. instead of ruining it. the dysfunctional relationship that has to be sacrificed to make it all better.
Am I the idiot? Do i have a hard time to face the truth or can it be that they are just MOTHERFUCKERS????