Infinity

It's in the wee of the evening and with Leonardo da Vinci and the impressionists in mind I study the lazy waves rolling onto the fine sand.
There is grapefruit color and emerald, turqoise and golden, mingled all together in perfect patterns soothing my eyeballs. They have been hurting for too long.
Later, a henna tattoo artist covers my left wrist and the back of my hand with perfect geometry the scents penetrate my thoughts, I feel like clay, melting into my own body.

In my mind I stretch, all the way down to Chile, over to New Zealand, the easter islands and Hawaii and Japan and over to India, Madagascar. All the things, all the people, all the landscapes, birds, life.
It's a big world, this one, open one.
The other half of my brain stretches over the States, across the Atlantic ocean to the Canary Islands, Marrakkesch and Granada and finally bustling Europe, cold long Russia and suddenly up north to the calm, the peace, the quiet, the silence, the cold, the night.

I am not tripping but I try to feel it and I called you once, wondering whether I really would be capable of not ever calling you again, after this one more time. Maybe, I could, maybe I would, I don't know. It's like the last cigarette you never know when there is a weak moment, full of convictions, but maybe I could wait, just a little longer, just so I can run away with my eyes closed, hoping not to trip and fall, hoping not to run into the abyss again, hoping to make it to the airplane before it is gone and I trapped in my own longings and belongings and wrongings.

Like when I bought that coat, so beautiful, closing my eyes, handing her the card, letting her slide it, trying to instantly forget about that incident, hoping that I didn't overdraw, avoiding the bank, closing my eyes walking past it, hardly peeking onto the screen once I dared to look at the account statements.

I wonder, if I could. Just, run, away.
Hold my eyes, dripping of wild rebellious tears, deafening myself from the screams of my heart, just breathing really hard so I could make it, to the airplane, to the definite.

To the coast, to the shore.

To the sure