closing time

it can be lonely out here. walking through the night. crunch crunch, through the snow. i try to avoid the beaten path, the crunch is louder over here where nobody walks but some dogs. so it is the dogshit slalom blues. and one night past full moon. trees look surreal and naked. crows are sleeping.

i am not lacking. you aren't. that's for sure. i feel so strong, here, things are just right. it's clearly the right path. not the fogged up one that i chose two years ago. taking the most amazing and yet most painful detour of my life.
ah, stop talking about things like - pain. or, feelings.
crunch crunch and my boots just keep going. they are almost falling apart these days. but they keep going.
my scarfs tied tightly around my head, wrapped around my shoulders. it's the Turkish part of town. past midnight.

i remember how awe-struck i was by a post by Veronica about the girl that followed the whales.

this is what it is like for me now. i am on a godforsaken ocean and it's gray and windy and so damn lonely out here on my way to follow MY whales.

you could walk through my door and it would be alright. i wouldn't feel the need to melt into you anymore. this is closing time. gaping is closing.
no maybe's or whatever's or anything. just me now and my forsaken ship in this ocean with a few stars that guide me through this night.

crunch crunch.
you are so optimistic and positive she says, amazed.
i laugh, i feel strong, i just grew stronger man.
and it's not you who is lacking.
it's just that something really died inside.
it's this impossible love. the kind, that makes you feel alright even if you feel lonely in a crowd. because you know you love this person so impossibly deeply and truly and you know and feel they do too. that probably just now they are thinking about you too.
it's that kind of love that has robbed my stars of their mysteries, their light. by giving that longing a name and the name was yours.
and now it's not and it is all gone and it is cold and dark and lonely down here.
following my path.