morning

i wake up and i think about you. so i call you and i wish you would hold me in your arms right now.
in the background is your little cousin, she is adorable, she sounds adorable, and she makes you laugh. it makes me happy in turn to hear you laugh and it sounds like a real laugh you know? i again have the feeling of spying into this other life from outer space, through a sound-tv and fascinated i just lie in bed and listen to you guys. i am jealous of her. but there is nothing i could do. maybe i will buy a car and just come by to ask you whether you would come with me on a trip.

because that's what is so wrong, i realized that yesterday night: we wanted to go travel. And we still have to. That's a thing that was there from the start and there is no way i can let go unless that has taken place. we need to go and travel together.

even if it would torture me.