And so it did happen like it could have been foreseen,

'you don't love me like you loved me before'

nothing but soundwaves, billowing and wafting through the thin air, hitting me in slow motion, winding their way up into my brains. into the convolutions of my conscience. trickle into the bloodstream, ever so slowly, tickeling nervous ends of raw nerves, poisoning my heart only almost, scratching at the concrete surface of the walls the protection service has erected not long ago. like before? no?
it hits me slowly like smoke spirals hugging my neck ever so softly, remniscing of filigran silver necklaces that I never got.
maybe I should have run into the bathroom and look him straight into the eyes when he said that he still wants to do 'all these things'
such as defeating dragons and solving riddles
such as being healthy and going to try and do everything to be with me and grow with me
where ever

you can get it, if you really want...
but you must try
try and try
try and ... the kingdom will come and it will be yours
not rife with 70 virgins, alas, but it will be yours, complete with me maybe and that might be just too much
oh yes, i do like fairy tales. it's like he and his songs... they can teach you a thing or two.
maybe I should have looked into his eyes
say: ...
say: ...
say: ...
say: ...

see, words, still lacking and a body convulsing in the death pangs of a premature birth of future. communication in love but not so eloquent. tonight belongs to passion and lust and despair and insufficiencies. to yesterday's knowledge and wisdom and tomorrows explosion of fantasy's dream.
tonight belongs to the king and the queen tumbling into pieces.

"And so it did happen like it could have been foreseen,
The timeless explosion of fantasy's dream.
At the peak of the night, the king and the queen
Tumbled all down into pieces."

In the morning we picked up our blanket from the battleground of mystery and fear and near. pulled the pants and sweaters and hair neatly into position. left yet another nameless motel room behind, like in the good old days except for this was a last day.
Leaving I felt how some song lines shooted through my veins like once heroin and other enemies shooted through his, likewise trying to forget but being haunted. It felt as if recognizing a situation, an obscure kind of deja vu that had it's twin in a song instead of in a dream like reality:

"The lover who just walked out your door
Has taken all his blankets from the floor."

Outside the parking lot I crept into his arms, shivering in the pale winter sun and brisk winds kissing our wounds from a raw night. In the car we listened to our old songs and I caught his smile, unconditional, for a second and free or so it seemed. It was a kiss of smiles, mine meeting his in a wild, laughing embrace, riding on the storm of momentary purity.
Oh, oh, gypsy gone, gone, gone gypsy gone.
'I can go wherever I want to go. And I have nowhere to go'
'They are not my family, I have no family, you are my only family'
'my cousins and I'
'i will never be able to be with anyone that's just how it is, it will always only be us'
'I do what I want'
'If it doesn't work out in Missouri, can I come back and live with you?'
'what if I just come back? you wouldn't let a naked baby lie in the curb now would you?'

I want you to come back as a man I said slowly.

-------------------------------

(the next day I asked him whether he thought it was a mistake that we had met again and he thought i was talking about sex.
I was talking about the sin of love's false security)