Prietenul Meu

Here I sit, writing You. This letter will never be sent.
The sandstone red monkey sits atop the fountain, murmuring into the morning sky. Vine and ivy clime up the old facades, sparrows lurking, waiting for chances, for crums to fall. Me, waiting for an old friend of mine. Who will undermine. Me.
My hair, in waves and as if equipped with a will of its own, cascading down my shoulders, caressing the red of the unstable table, pictures of Venice in the paper I read. William Turner. Yellow, indeed.
Beautiful people here, around me, different from the Angelenos and those, who'd like to be. Maybe more relaxed, like the red monkey, munching on grapes of stone, an old fashioned hat and a tight jacket, completing a masquerade of his own.
Prietenul Meu, te iubesc, iubiare meu, still, you know.
Like water, this love can't disappear.
It's here, forever, chiseled into our past, hard as rock, as in any foundation, yet liquid like sunshine, forever transfusive, transluscent.
Prietenul Meu, still not used to writing these words.
Your girl, she was hurt when I slapped her with words, rubbed the lies and uncertainties into her drifting sands. Is she your girl now?
She should be. If you try to do it right now, I am happy. As Michael S. says, it doesn't really matter who you're with, if you're just working it.
Prietenul meu, the sun kisses the chilli autumn morning. Things pass - we'll all meet at the ocean. Where waters mingle and salt appears.
This is a different life now, and you knew it. Setting me free to embrace my night. The scent of your embrace has mixed with the autumn winds, the red, the gold, the falling leaves, beckoning good bye.
Prietenul Meu....God loves you, each one of his children, the dance, the dance, it carries on....
Prietenul Meu, way up in the crystal clear starlit skies.

Once upon a time
there was a
whild
child

owe

then he gave me up a couple of kisses on the cheek and the corner of my mouth
kisses he owed
owed kissed taste salty
mingled with uncried tears
and I said, hey, don t be so sad,
and that I would try and forgive
give what?
i kept staggering on
we both did
not very straight

the fill

lying next to you
married with children
the comparison limps
you can't say
it was nothing

because nothing
is still more
than anything
when it is filled
with love

when you feel right
right there
next to that person

rose

her cheeks so rosy, like her parka, and she is running to the train station.
these eyes, you can t forget, these are the eyes of sparkling life, of innocence and love.

sometimes i can t breathe
my love to her is almost lost in reverie
and she is growing so fast

----

sometimes i remember
the moment i just trusted
and he held me in his arm, whispering, i haven t held a girl in my arms like this in a long long time. i was surprised, didn t understand, but how could i, it was all in obscurity then. now i know and with this knowledge the fascination grows, the what if game, trying to understand someone else from within. how it must have been. that girl, so innocent and naive, seeking shelter in his arms. trusting him so completely with all the rainbow colors in her heart. how he warned her, warned her, warned her. and how she would always trust, again and again and again. trust in the good. and that it would work. even though the dark side of the moon can never be at the light.

the end of the road

and so the road ended. for a while maybe, for what

it was chilly outside as soon as the sun left and sank, the stars sending frosty signals.
he had changed. he was more of a man now. wrinkles around his eyes. grounded. pondered thoughts before speaking. his love was incredible, it was tangible in his words and his way of looking straight into my eyes.
my friend. who had found his way. i could show him all my love. i could touch him, hug him, squeeze him, make funny sounds of joy. joy to see him. after all these years, so good.

and so the road ended. for a while maybe, for what

i said you'd never be just a story. i feel guilty every time i speak about you. i try to only sing, smudgy so no one can hear the actual words. only for you, only for you.
all these words here, footprints in the sea. writing in the sand, washed away by forces beyond me. taken back into the dark from where they came from.

how we yearn for it to burn. to sing and it burns, burns, burns, this ring of fire, this ring of fire.
how we hope for it to be true. that, at the end of the road, there is someone waiting. maybe you. but i am not.
see, my friend, he knew.
he knows that i've seen the silver lining. and he knows it wasn't you.

so i let you go, with the cold stars tonight. they sparkled, with more meaning now.
her face looks lovely. i hope this is a good love.i hope you get through.
i hope i can let you rest now
i hope this too.

and so the road ended. maybe
and it's maybe again
certainly.

there

she was clinging onto my leg, how only kids know how to. it wasn't pushy at all, or demanding, more of a painfully shy and desperate quality. the silence protruded from all three land corners and the rain laid its fine filigree over our souls.
three swans came swimming, gracefully, gently swaying in the waves.
i said, see, don't you wanna sit on the gray one, see, how it is swimming. but she picked and plucked my trousers, hiding behind my right leg, mute but clear, no, mama, don't you see that i don't want him to be with you!???
it was heavy and the rain had penetrated all my layers. soaked and silent. i stood. there.

the gray swan swam away and i felt how she was on his back, somewhat joyful but still distraught. bye, bye, i say, my dearest one, bye bye. almost as if unwilling the swan disappeared in the gray mist. into the mist she disappeared with him and we turned around to walk back.

quietly

quietly salt and water mingles, gathers, falls...
fall has come over the land. autumn fogs cloud the mornings. rays fight their ways through, noon tears the grey front into pieces, a last smile from the summer.
single drops gather, flow. a stream towards the ocean. with so much salt.
that moon, it was so high, and your eyes filled to the rim, 'it's like coming home' you whispered and i held you in my arms while father sky and mother earth embraced us in their sacred union.
all this is past. fall, autumn, past, falling.
if someone let you down, in love you can't fall no more. there is no space to fall. but there is
the moment of breaking through
unexpected when you think you were soothed
when all is in frames and shambles in the same time
when a thin skin feels so thickened all alone
the levee broke and there you were
paradox and
so close,
her name just a memory
and maybe you are

her.

so tonight that i might see

see, music still puts me in that place
that place of understanding. understanding where we came from and where we were going to. how it did matter, even if not deep or far. it was worth that song. it was worth that moment. it was worth that love, maybe, maybe.
there is so much more and we both know that. there will be a day that we unpack and unwrap and will shine some light on it again so that we might see.
see, beneath that dust that will have gathered by then. the smells and sounds and reflections. we will see, that things we said and did mattered all the way. penetrating through everything into the now, somewhere then, in the future.
this is nothing brilliant or special but it is magic. magic, so obvious, so blatantly obvious that nobody else will see. it will be in disguise by it s utter normalcy.
and i will rise above it all with you and i will see. i will see that love mattered. and maybe one day, in a future now, i will read this and smile and think back and know that this was wishful thinking but now, now, now, it is all clear.

i love you
dear.