Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Youth

I remember when we went to study for our final exams. It had snowed and we did sauna in Todtnau Berg at her Grandparent's vacation apartment. After midnight Chris and the crew stood in the door, he had come with his VW bus and we tied sleds to the bumper and raced through the sleeping village, him driving, us almost dying of laughing.
Later we all crashed, on couches, the carpet, the beds and Moon Palace and the red wine were forgotten. A couple weeks later the dust particles danced in the streaks of sun rays that flooded through parts of the window in the apartment where she lived together with the carpenter apprentices my sister was so infatuated with. I used her shaver and she hated me and then we couldn't stop laughing about one of the cartoons in the bathroom.
We visited someone in the other apartment, it was the cool kid apartment basically, full of punks and outlaws who hung out at the place they had goa and trance parties. They listened to the Pixies and a myriad of bands I had never heard of. Hanging out became a thing then, I got the hang of it, literally. The hours we spent at the river bank trying to understand vectoral equations and the time when she was sick and I took care of her because her parents lived in Switzerland.

Chris raced through forest dirt roads and then took a right onto a meadow and we almost crashed in a ditch. The bus jumped so high, that we bumped our heads hard against the ceiling and coming down was a hard crash. The adrenaline drove us almost mad, I begged Chris to stop, he thought it was funny. We slept in the bus and in the morning there were frost stars at the window and we got to school in our crumpled up clothes and unbrushed teeth. Johannes and I would take off to the train station in the 20 min break sometimes to get a coffee. He smoked, I didn't. He listened to the White Stripes and the Strokes and knew all the Pink Floyd albums by heart. We philosophized about a lot of things but I have no recollection of what we really knew. Sometimes we'd skip an English class and I'd buy a Machiato in the new Italian coffee shop and read a book in the back, sitting at the window, feeling a tinge of eternity.

Monday, April 14, 2014

you

It is true, what my Mama said.

"Get used to the thought, that you will always love him."

So it is. There will always be moments that bring you back to me. Only sometimes I wonder if the same happens to you or how you remember me.

I know that we were intensely beautiful.

People would stop us in the streets and say "ya'll stay together!" or "you look gorgeous together" or "if that isn't true love"... It is good to have lived that. It is good.

I still love you, I love what you touched inside of me. I love what you let me touch inside of you.

Now is a different time. I am getting ready for the next encounter.