a beautiful story to tell

looking back i see and feel so much
and looking forward from this place is like looking into a apricot golden sunset at home

many times i told strangers and loved ones that this place has always been the last place i would have ever imagined myself at.
to the point that i wouldn't even have thought about it in the last of my dreams
and so there i was, thrown in by life and circumstance, learning to take steps within my own future.
like writing a story on the go
without knowing where the next word would lead you to.
it's a feeling as if i was a stranger in my own world
a fiction in my own reality

looking back i see and feel so much

infinite stories wrapped into one
the helicopters accompanying my pounding fists
scorching heat assembling tears and fears
lonely moments of moon, stars and palmwinds soothing my soul

there is the ocean and the shore
with love filled memories painting tales of being found and lost
and lost and found
learning to make money and music
find souls and feel a knife in my back
the red haired friend who disappeared in disappointment
the curls of your raven black hair haunting my dreams
friends who just are
to be with
and streets to be walked if you take the steps
trees, wind and sun and rain

who do we turn to
to bow and spill our gratitude
for a half moon in the heavens
and palmtrees in the night
stars eternally being cold and comforting
holding the names of unknown lovers hostage

when i look back i feel so much
i just
wonder
marvel
thank
so much

.

build to last.
memories so fickle.
disappearing and resurfacing arbitrarily
build to last
love for a life time
almost like trying to capture air in a tower
when it's already everywhere
getting fucked by every living thing with a lung
out there
and you
you ask me now
where to go and what to do

and i sit back
and an old friend visits me
resurfacing
fickle
and dancing
laughing

a memory
that resurfaces
right time
right mind

it says 'you will never know until you go'
and that the worst vice is advice.

in the middle - a wishing well

it s early xmas eve.
you sitting somewhere
you you you
the big D
the word that everybody knows is inevitably part in every of my conversations
the word that she changed, shortened,
the word that I won t give up

she has been a shadow all these summer months
over my brightness
and I couldn t just walk away
to see whether there was sun in
other places too
so I stayed
and you too
and the shadow
cooling a boiling heart but
alas
inept
inapt

THE ASHES THE ASHES - will they fertilize new ground?

will they be our blessing?



I wish for it
in a starry night
way up in the mountains
with a big halo around the full moon
with my muscles aching
my heart on stand by
secretly yearning

Once upon a time
I dreamt
a wishing well....
I leaned over it
saw my reflection
my long hair
it fell

when I got up it had turned golden and I
I had forgotten
who I was
and where you were
and if we already had met
and whether I knew your name

but i knew
it was your love
that I was wishing for

(Im not sure about the ending yet)

she got the blues

caught up in the struggle
to be alright
to do what it takes
to sleep at night

she got the blues
she used to give great advice
we all have it in us
just not just right now
maybe later

things I regret
like a treasure chest
full of glory
sunken
in silence
can't regret no more
you gotta give and take
right now
not later

all these mornings i didn't get up
didn't see nor look out there
tangled up in his arms in silence
changed it for a world in here
seeing, feeling, thinking through
his beloved heart beat
his holding me
so precious
and
his breath
like the ocean
rolling in and out
of my soul
teaching me love
in a language that doesn't know words
or any kind of loud infiltrations
evaluations or judgemets or
the better of anything
no cold hard shapes or forms
just a flower blossoming
singing in color
in a silence that teaches nothing
and all

can't regret
all the losses that occured
in an other world
you gotta take
and give
as long as it is
not just a dream
not longing
or yearning
anymore

she is scared
got a now to lose
see,
it's a trade baby
for a space
to long
to yearn
all over again

nurse (I miss you.) (I miss for anyone who loved to take two steps towards each other)

it's something about
taking care
nourishing
and you walk, trying to keep the blood from
merging with eternity
lick your wounds or just forget them
either way
there will be salt some where

and in a short moment you look up
inbetween runs
to make ends meet
realizing you are only
twenty four
halfway grown up
but so busy anyway

little joys
to be shared
die and drown in moments
that you spend too far away
from anyone anywhere

the middle point of the earth shifts
you look up and see her
somewhere far away
(nourish? care?)
for now just
waving
being waved back
and we keep licking
or forgetting
either way

there is salt in tears