refuge

some know me under a different name but this is my refuge
it is kinda scary to have the most raw thoughts put out there and risk them to be misunderstood by the person you love most...
yesterday i was mad, you know, just something that happens in any relationship, we were at the busstop, the sun pouring down like honey, hot honey, me leaning against the wall. and i just blended everything and everyone out, eyes closed, breathing the liquid sun, imagining myself ALONE on the road.
it was so easy that it scared me.
but then i realized. i am just like that. i've always been on my own. i am very self sustained, to the surprise of anybody who knows me probably. when i am with people i often rely on their sense of orientation or organization, and let my daydreaming mind drift away, but when i am on my own i find my way with the certainty of a woman's trained intuition or the security of a blind person in a dark room. they can find their way way better than us seeing people, when it is dark, because it doesn't matter to them.
I like being alone for a while and then go back into the realm of interaction and sharing.
I can unfold myself in a different way when I am alone and it has nothin, absolutely nothing to do with how much I love somebody. It doesn't mean I don't love being with them or don't need being with them, or him for this matter, but it means, I need this space to myself.

I guess i will have to maintain this space for myself in my life in order to become who I am.