Letters to the Inconnu

I can't really write all the time about my worries to my wife (no, she is not my wife, she is my friend but it is an insider you won't get it so don't think about it) so I decided to write letters to an 'Inconnu', the unknown, out there somewhere, maybe like a message in a bottle that I throw in the sea of the blogosea yeah.

Dear Inconnu, Hollywood, June 20, 2006

My heart beats faster when I am listening to Gogol Bordello, Gypsy Punk, and I think of my wife and how it made all more sense as long as she was around. It is so weird, don't get me wrong, being with my love makes a lot of sense too, but there is a difference:
With him it is also scary to be, because as soon as my thoughts about my future kick in I see myself clearly not staying here and it is inherent in the nature of the future, that things are very uncertain, even though your heart might love insanly. There is always the misbenefit of a doubt.
My mom sais I should believe in the power of love. But matter of fact, when my wife was here, she kept everything together somehow. I didn't know that then but I see it now.
So I have to grow up now and take my life in my own hands and stop worrying so much. I have a good plan. Heart, why don't you stop worrying?
Ah there is so much to do and see out there. And all those travellers look for a home and for a heart and it is somewhat ridiculous to still feel like that although you found this heart.
Yah.
The problem is, I can't even go travelling now to see whether it is just the lack of travelling that makes me crazy because even that doesn't make SENSE right now, you know? I need to save the money up for my trip to Brazil. I can't go to Brazil now already because that wouldn't make sense either. So I am stuck in feeling that everything gets robbed of it's sense.

I guess I need to find this place to be self-suficient no matter where. I mean this place within.
Okay. So I hope....

ahm
I gotta go

good bye


oh man that's so weird. wah