I miss you so much. so so so so so much today, it's not funny. It's
not a bitter but a longing, yearning, loving kind of missing. I
simply: just want to be with you for a couple of hours, give you some
sweet loving, hold you, be held by you, damn I miss you so much.
I danced for you today in the apartment all by myself, in my brown
long skirt and bikinitop..what a waste of beauty but it was fun and I
worked out=sweated a lot doing that. I don;t know, why I couldn't do
taht in front of you, why I was all of the sudden so timid a lot of
the times. I guess I am just shy under all this jumpy enthusiasm. you
can't change? i can't change either...i can't think of anybody right
now though, that i would want to make happier and most happy but you.
It's maybe weird, maybe perfectly normal, who knows, who cares. I know
that most probably we can't be together forever.
But...Man. is it wrong to want that?
Is it stupid and naive to still want it to work out? Is it wrong,
stupid, impatient, naiv, untrusting, egotistical, to want you to
evolve into my king?
I guess that would require major changes for me to become your queen
as well. Are they realistic? The needs and demans for us to be
together, are they realistic? manageable? Would we break what can't be
bend? Are we?
I don't want that. I don't want to take everything we have and smash
it on the ground but I don't want to just shun that because i am
scared it would happen that way.
I guess i'll just miss you like that. It's weird because all the time
I'm secretely waiting for you to knock on my door. I would open bu
most probably just faint. I miss you that much. I just want to hold
you man. just some peaceful quieteness for a couple of eternal
seconds.
vrjau se te sarut in kulzol guri...
I wish so much you'd come. probably better you don't (fuck that)
you dreamt last night you made love to me? make love to me! Ah. Can
we? Maybe we shouldn't. Oh. Ahhh. But. Holding each other? Oh, please,
be ther my sweetest lover of a lifetime. Was it really just the
potential I fell in love with?
Or the seconds? I miss you.
So much;
and how long will i have to wait? You can't tell me but who could?
Is there a day when all is good and memories take on the color of
sepia and love is but a well-wishing thought loaded with
sentimentality?
ALL I REALLY WANT is for you to find your way and truly be close to God.
I will go my way, too, but before I decide which road I choose I sit
down at the crossroads and cry into my hands: because I wanted so
badly to show you the love for this beautiful world, for God's
creations, for this life, that is a gift, I wanted to give and show
you all of my heart and what it rejoices in and what it loves so
dearly. I wanted you to understand, let you into my world, and see
with your heart as well.
I wanted you to fall in love with God's world my love. I wanted to sooth
your haunted soul. (who am i to do that anyways) - bring you closer to
God and love yourself so you could love others... and all i did was
drive you into more hatred against this world but i guess my way to
God just can't be yours. but most definetely my way is love and by
loving you i did come closer to God, believe it or not.
so there i sit until the tears dry and then i guess i ll have to
choose which way to go.
and you'll play a major role in this decision for you've given me way
more than you know.
your wild child full of grace
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