Encouraged by the unusually affectionate timbre in your voice of today's phone talk I decide to dare it. It might be too early but on the other hand - I might like the pain. It's as if I could see the memories waft through the thin air like on a misty autumn morning right after dawn when the horizon glows in pink anticipation for the sun to come and kiss the fog away... Slowly, teeth clenched tightly in silent excitement, I open the wrigley's extra cool green apple sugarfree gum. Almost as if unwrapping a xmas present I unfold the silver paper in slow motion and take the green gum inbetween my index finger and thumb. Take one breath and go!. - I put it on my tongue and caress it a little bit while saliva in a sweet, almost painful rush flows together in the back of my mouth. Almost like the effect of you kissing me - the magic connection between that secret place and my lips always worked in a sweet painful way: wet. wet. wet. For you...
Carefully I start to chew. - wooom! With an incredible fierce motion my mind is zoomed into the cloud of memories, hard to grasp but yet so intimately tangible. I revel in the sweetness of the feeling for a few moments. The freezing nights, the car heater that you'd turn on and which would overpower the songs for a while until I loosened my grip around your arm and softly laid my head on your shoulder, relaxing in the now warm car. Your soft lips exploring the depths of my mouth at everywhich red traffic light possible on our way down busy Hollywood Blvd. LA downtown, the night skyline drifting by. The one curve where you go from the 101 on the 105 or so. I always would ask you to be extra careful there, I had a bad feeling about that curve. 110, Head. Sweetness in my mouth. Cloverfield...The gas station, O-juice and sprite when passionate breathing dried us out. - And apple gum.
It's funny how bubblegum can do that. It's like a time travel machine.
I went down to the snack room to get myself an excuse to stop practicing for a while. Maybe the chocolate cookies we used to eat? It doesn't matter. Whatever it takes to complete this walk of suicidal emotional black magic. I stroll down the hallway and all of the sudden i get this feeling: he is standing behind the door! He waits in the snack room for you! In a second you will be able to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his ear lobes! He will say, stop, you know what that does to me and then he will start kissing you hungrily and passionately. You will entwine around him. And then you'll get a snack and go practicing!
Carefully, almost as if walking on eggshells I tiptoe back down the hall way with a weird spaced out smile on my lips. Quickly! Glance into his class room! There he will sit with his black cloud of curly hair around his head. He will look up and then come out, just for a second, just for a kiss or three.
You are funny, I tell myself, stroking the walls with my finger tips. You really think you time travelled huh?
And then it hits me: like a huge wave that devours you like a little fish. I DID TIME TRAVEL! I am back! It's then! Is now! is yes! Something shifts at the back of my neck. I look around me, almost paranoid but fascinated.
He is just around the corner. It is just around the corner. It is. The time layer. The veils have shifted, as if a fresh strange wind had blown into them to entangle and confuse them just so I could have a look into then and wrap my legs around a feeling I once so well knew.
I press my head against the wall and kiss the glass of the window. Slowly the cold sensation of it penetrates my mind, spreading throughout my whole body. The neck that you once kissed wildly, leaving marks for everyone to see, the ears that you whispered into words never to be told, the forehead that you kissed as if it was a child one's, the cheeks that rubbed against your raw unshaved chin, the hands that found their way into the djungel of your chest hair and fell asleep there, as if it was their natural home, the shoulders that I try to keep straight now despite the burden, the breasts that ... you know. And when it hits my stomach and then my heart I know:
The bubble gum has lost its flavor.
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