Rediscovery of slowness

There is this book called the rediscovering of slowness and is about this guy who is just slower than the rest of everybody around him, it is during the time of Europe exploring the rest of the world and he becomes a capitan and because he is so slow he becomes the best capitan that there is and actually rescues a whole ship because he thinks so slow.

As I was reading Bob Dylan's Chronicles Vol.1 I suddenly realised two things: I want slowness in my life.

I have long known that I am actually also one of the slower people. If I really want to understand something I have to think it slowly through. I have always managed to get through studies in a rush because I seem to have a really good short term memory and a rather quick apprehension and thus it might sound a bit weird when I say I am slow. But I am.

So I took the cellphone out of my jeans pocket and threw it into my bag. Away with you little monster!
And then it came to me that I don'T need my laptop at all. I don't, not right now. I will work. I won't study too much. I will study next year. But now? I want to read for real. Not on the screen. There are thousand internet cafes everywhere. Jesus, I mean, there was a life BEFORE I had this laptop.

So I am going to give it to my other sister who just moved to Connecticut and is studying there. And I'll give her money to live if she needs and I am going to get rid of everything that I don't really need and start living a life that I want.

That's all I have to say for now. I mean it's funny how I couldn't wait to put those epiphanies into writing. Lol. In the future I will do more handwriting and try to put more quality writing out here.

As for matters of the heart are concerned: life is an adventure. it's like the deep blue sea. I love my prince and I can't help it. I have gone through pangs of love, of loss, of joy. I have slammed my head against walls, beat my knuckles bloody and have torn my hair out in order to deal with this immense inner pain somehow. I have cried a river and I have found relief in walking through canyons.
And I don't regret one single thing about it, I don't hold any grudges with life, fate, destiny or my love. Not with myself. But I am eternally grateful for every single lesson I am given and I will try and do my best to learn it well. I am eternally grateful for everything that I am blessed with, including the things that seem painful in the first place. We grow.

He made me promise to bring the guitar he gave me to the guitar center so as to fix it and as soon as I will have it back I will finally try and put all I learned to good use and start writing songs for him. Maybe, who knows. I am looking for the real deal. I am looking for stuff that comes from the inside out, from the inside of me and from the inside of this world that I love and that I hate.

I asked him to write me handwritten letters and who knows, maybe he will do me this favor. I don't know where I am heading but I know I have to get rid off those modern devices that make my life actually more miserable. More distracted. More unreal. Cellphones suck. Internet sucks. Lol. Not always, but when always available it doesn't do any good.

Good night and have a wonderful life.

smiles from Emeralda/Piranha