john

a fatherfigure
and it can be forgiven that he was the one who led you into hell
because
now he is babtized as well
and you are good guys now
and your jaw looks like his
now that somebody broke it too
but you would have been proud of me you said
'because i just walked away'
and he is leaving on a train today
you wished you could have gone with him
you were gonna drive him around too
and all i heard was how they are looking for him now
the helicopters didn't let go of the car in the dark
someone of the community snitched on him
that is something you don't do

but I wondered silently
about other things you don't do
like
you know
like

So I called in the early morning hour because early morning hours count as being drunk. I dont' really know what I am doing and am sleepy and sleepdrunk and can call you with all my innocence that I can come up with. I spoke to your voicemail that you emptied finally. I said, tell John I wish him good luck on his journey.

When I hung up I smiled and felt like:

Yeah. Keep your enemies close, that's what they say.

Because John is the one.

Who understands you fully, the one you had a long talk with recently. The one who knows what it means to be illegal. Who knows what it means to have grown up as you did. The one who has felt the holy spirit as well. The one who regrets hell. The one who knows what it's like to be an addict. Who knows what it feels like to get his jaw broken, a needle pushed into your skin to trigger oblivion and many other things. And who knows how it feels when bones are crashing under your knuckles. Or your knife. And who knows the dangers of dealing with illegal substances and who knows what it means to be a member of the community. And the church, at last. The one, who planned three months ahead your birthday trip to San Francisco. The one why you didn't come with me to the bob dylan concert. That is. John, who was your dad when your dad wasn't.

Like...who understands that you can't .

with me