re-evaluation

Since there are so many thoughts cursing through my mind I have to jot down was is inevitable: the keywords.

Car-culture and LA or Socal in general
Red short hair and I used to be pretty but now I don't (want to)
Basel and Old Skool Hip Hop
The ride/trip on Mullholland drive with the girls
Re-birth or Re-evaluation
Starry nights and drum'n'bass beat by crickets
Driving and walking the night

There was, once upon a time, a little girl and she wanted to explore the world. The unique view created in one of the finest gold smith's worksshops and prisms in the underworld.
At an undefined grey Swiss afternoon her sister turned to her and said, 'you know, I read this book and you remind me of this girl. She lived in the 60's and she did all the hippiesque things, you know, because she was curious about her generation. But she actually wasn't THEM. She was like an underground agent for nobody but herself. For some reason, you - you remind me of her.'
First I thought it wouldn't hit me but then it hit me hard. Basslines dropped through her mind and fire tongues mixed with blue green seas of deep thoughts.
There were many stations and full of life and empathy and a supersized portion of enthusiasm she dived into the colorful world of different planets. Graffiti, the long stretched journey through the landscapes of music, jamsessions, forbidden car drives, camp fires and hiking trips through vast middles of nowhere. Hours over hours in trees, at lakes and damps, on the peak of icy mountains, the sauna on the homestead in Alaska and northern lights in the summer.
Russian poverty and brades, southern hospitality (yes also in Europe) and Greek yellow's golden brown vegetation with little bars at the beach and long minutes in the swinging waves of Ulyssus' sea.
A first rap written in the dusty bus to this little fisher town at the other end of the Polypennes. A dripping hot day in Olympia and the unreachable Brazilian boy soon to be tangible lover. The one she met in Delphi, looking over the wide wide world and wondering at unspoken oracles...

On her way to New York she didn't know what awaited her. Fears entangled with hopeful yet foggy thoughts and aniticpations. Expectations drowned and new realities emerging. The feelings of lost and homesickness and the rediscovery of a 13-year old self with tears in the eyes while driving down Freeway 101. Downtown listening when necessary and palmtrees wafting through the mild winds.
The forbidden city and new realizations. Failure mixing with new heart territories. Unexplored yet familiar depths of dark corners in his eyes and the ever warming pierce of love and the glory and downsides of togetherness.
Habits glued into the burnt twists of grey masses of braincells, imprinted memories in a tight embrace with musicstreams, never lost.
The fighter, reborn and then....

One day as she was driving down on Highland and into the night she gave birth to a new laughter and she felt like re-evaluating this life. I used to be pretty but now i don't she thought and images of short fluffy red hair strived her mind.
Brades decidedly already in the past. And as she was clinging onto the idea she called her friends and said, come on, lets go on a ride! It doesn't happen every night that I have a car.

Unsurprisingly californian car culture just seemed so more self-explanatory all of the sudden. Yes, there is only one thing greater than driving down in your own car with the winds in your hair and views on your shoulder. This is, she realized when stopping for a minute, drum'n'bass didn't make it but crickets and into this silence she whispered, overwhelmed: The only thing greater than this is to hike through mother nature. To be friends with the wind and the trees, the birds and the clouds, the sunrises and stars, the animals and the bumble bees, the campfires and the satisfaction.

So I did the Mullholland Drive thing tonight and undercover cops almost caught me. Sunsetstrip seemed so tamed and normal after this wild trip through the mountains. And Tracy Chapman was a perfect end and now I have to go weeping, somewhere in a corner, a tear of smiles and a tear with the sound of heart pieces shattering to the groun.
Grieving isn't all that there is because in the middle of any given night it could help that you find yourself re-evaluating. Giving birth to ambition and sense of self expression.
Rebirth of courage and unexpected turns.
Waving good bye as she is re-entering the loop and just now it might be just a little bit bigger.
Good bye, cruel world, I'm coming now........