Sunset

It's taken me by surprise.
Oh wild child, your cool face, your cool face.
It's the best thing that has happened to me in a while. A morning starting with a shower of unconditional children love. A funtastic morning with nephews and brother in law. China town. Downtown fashion district. My little one on my shoulders, his face as usual, spilling over with childish joys and love. What a miracle-child he is.
The way back home. Your cool face, your cool face...
Anxiety and pain and suffering vanishing at the horizon, there isn't even an aftermath. Just cool and calm. Thoughts, slowly finding their way through the traffic gridlocks. I know the way by heart. I don't even need my glasses to see which streets are coming up. I am going by landmark signs. The gas-station. The tree. The national Wu-Shu center. memories pinned to every inch of grey I encounter. Oddly pale though, looking through a prism of astonishment. All this is me, my past, my dreams, my life. All this happened, for real. This isn't just a story. This is life. Tough. Hard. Warm. Seeping through mental destractions. Seeping through emotional destructions. Seeping through skin, semipermeable.
It's not that I wasn't moved or touched. Matter in fact, I was all up. Everything was as it was. You have always brought the sweetest and the most aggressive out in me. The defensive lioness and the submissive mistress. But I digress. I am not a mess. This is what I have to confess:
I have to go on. This time I will let you pass. You go your way and I go mine. These last hours and days and nights of being intertwined, struggeling, trying to find ways, exploring the unknown scary asphalts of fading love. It was like a sunset, it was so beautiful and so intense while it was there. And now it is night. And I see the evening star shining with all its might. And I see your smile fading away. I see your black eyes melting into the sea. I see you leave.
And I turn my back and I will never return and I will not look back.