what again is will? power?

50% of my friends say that I will have sex.
Don't meet him they say. You will have sex and then, uahhh, fuck, four months of suffering, wasn't that enough?!
Don't do it.
The other 50% (wifie counts for the other half. it's not like I have that many friends anyway) says I have to face it. Go, see him, face it. whatever the outcome may be.
She laughs and says, you don't wanna be with a pussy. Dont' tell him he is one, but he is one.
Then she looks over to me, taking a long drag of her pall mall: Don't do it like me!
She laughs.
I laugh.
It's like parents who smoke telling their children not to smoke.
So we know smoking is bad.
But I puffed a cigarette just minutes ago with strangers.
And I was really determined not to smoke anymore, hell, whatever, no puff anymore, if you like.
To the first 50% I say convinced and defensively: well, no you don't know me. I won't! I am strong enough! I just won't. The last time we saw each other he wanted to make love, like, for the last time or something. He knew, I didn't want to know. I didn't let it happen. For his sake actually. Didn't want to let him do anything he would regret later. Like making love to someone without intending to marry them. yeah. right.

However, didn't I NOT want to smoke? But then, just minutes ago I wanted to?
What again is will?
Will I not want to make love to him?
When I just think of the way I looked contemplatively and a little forlorn at the zuccinis today, at Jons. It borders at despair, then, doesn't it?
It's very unlikely to know the outcome. When the will is so weak. And the wants so bad.