aftermath of time travelling: the freak out

I walk down the hallway. the reflection in the window: me. strangeness
overcomes me. i walk to the cornerstore. there he is, the same asian
guy. rasberry cigarillo please. and vanilla. there i stand smoking my
weakness away? no. smoking weakness. weakness: to dream and not to be.
hardrock i feel I need to knock my head on the concrete Hollywood Blvd
sidewalk. The palmtrees at the egyptian theater: the same. fuck. what
am I doing? weirdness taking over. i smile it is cold. tourists, kids
that should be long in bed already. please don't call me. please
don't. this feels as if i lived yesterday just to fall into the abyss
of everything but presence. ghosts, haunting. french fries and
undefinable food rests on a paper plate in the corner of the
scientology building. a couple of students in the building practicing.
i have to go and practice and practice and practice.
hey, i have to get back to poi-ing. fuck. do something, quick, before
yesterday becomes a monster, creeping up from behind, devouring you,
snarling, tearing, disruptive. the. monster.
why is everything so much alike? be different! oh fuck no! the stairways of pig'n'whistle. the backyard stairs where I kissed Eddie long long long time ago.
'take good
care of your man' a stranger said 'he is a good guy'.
a oneday-miracle. the mayfly. death. why are you there? the whole time? why do you look at me so reproachfully? i smoke i know, not for you but neither for myself. i have quit yesterday.
somewhere i am so scared. that i ll see you walking down hollywood
blvd with your dark cloud of curly hair around your gorgeous head, a dark grey man in a dark grey world and my lips so red... why
is it so difficult to let go?

do something, quickly, something new, old, else, just nothing that has
to do with that time here.

what the fuck am i doing here???? I DONT SEE ANYTHING ANYMORE.

not love makes blind. too.



hey how are you, strange friend in a familiar city so beloved?