"Do you know that you are weird" said he as I rushed off to the Green Room. I smirked over my shoulder. "yes, sweetie, people tell me that all the time. or they ask me whether somebody already has told me, as if it was new news. it's old news"
matter of fact, even in Germany they thought I was weird. In Switzerland they thought I was weird, in Russia they thought I was weird, in Berlin they thought I was weird and even here in Hollyweird they think I am weird.
So, as we have this established by now: it's not due to my threefold nationalities. It's not due to anything like that but due to me being me. Or whatever I pretend at the time being. That's it, there is no mystery to it.
I hope you all have something to laugh about, too. I have a lot to laugh about, even in the most of miserable situations. What do I laugh about? Well, you guessed right, it's me. I laugh about myself a lot, but I love a lot about the rest of the world, too. When I see people argueing on the street I think that's pretty sweet. I laugh or I smile. When I see wannabe-tough guys on the street with three beard hairs on their chin I chuckle as I pass by and happily point my fingers into the sky. When I see old people drag themselves along the streets or get into fights on the bus I have to smile.
And I certainly have to smile when I am about to get my period and am alone at home. It's weird but I do it like Russian roulette. I know that's actually something you don't talk about but let's face it, more than half of humanity gets their period monthly at some point in their lifes. So do I and the weird thing is that I don't know whether I am the only person here playing Bloody Russian Roulette, pun intended. So what I do is I don't wear pantiliners. It's a habit from back in the days when I never knew when my period was about to come. Now it's regular and easy to tell because I learned how to read the threatening PMS - signs and trust me they are idiot-proof. A craving for food late at night? Pizza? Chocolate? Yeah. Hit right there. Tears dwelling up at any random blue colored occasion? yep. Frustration and irritation level extremely high? Score! Tolerance approaching zero? Hm. Snapping without reasons? Being more blunt than ever? Yes, yes, yes.
Well, lets get back to the Roulette though. So I don't wear pantiliners, most of the time. I just wait until it happens. The trick is to catch it before it gets bloody and to not wear your favorite underwear. For some funny reason I tend to like red colors in clothing before my period, that's one of those signs, too. It's just funny.
I grab a red dress or underwear or what not, feel a craving for red lipstick (led ripstick) and then I look into the mirror and start to laugh. It's hilarious how predictable I am.
Well it gets even more funny when the Bloody Russian Roulette is in full play. I can only do that when I am home alone though and don't have to be out there, in this tidious society rat racing. So I feel the soft pain of stomach cramps approaching. It always defeats me. I always think: oh it happened! I run to the bathroom, and no, nothing in sight yet, but I feel it coming. I wonder whether or not I should take a pill. In the past I have had the worst stomach cramps, including vomitting, fainting and thousand blunt kitchen knives in my lower body. Cruel, I tell ya. And still I like to be a woman and have my period. So the part when to throw a pill is also a little Russian Roulette like thing. But the funny part is when I lay in bed and read and listen to music and try to catch the moment BEFORE it starts. I jump up, all of the sudden, tear my panties down and check: is it bleeding already? No? Oh ! There! hahahaha. I don't know whether anybody from across the street has found out yet that behind those twigs and branches of my friends, the trees you could watch this girl do strange things in her living room. Like, ripping off her panties to stare at them and then run off to the bathroom. I don't remember whether I always manage to actually pull the panties up again. Not that it would be of any interest to anybody out there and not that I think that it should concern you but I was really curious whether or not I am the only one playing roulette and ruining underwear on a monthly basis. Am I the ony one who likes the smell of red days? Sorry if that seems nasty to you but people like even worse things.
Oh yes and things like that make me shake my head about myself and then I start to laugh. Yes, you are weird, Lady, you are weird. There is nothing you can do about it but have a good laugh after all. If nobody else - I will.
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