dripping

sometimes that's how I feel. out of the blue-doubting I am struck by lightening, and that's then how it comes out, how it spills out, how the sweet juice of incomprehensible and impossible love is dripping into nowhere:

Tonight.....I went to this party at the Knitting Factory, luckily it was in the
very small stage, I don't like the rest of that place for obvious
reasons (I don't like the memories attached to it, but on the small
stage T____ and I performed so that's good memories)...anyhow, it
was what you could have expected your average bad looking people
pretending to have fun and only a couple of good songs. The whole time
I was trying to ignore everybody because I was trying to phantazise
how it would be if you suddenly would walk into the room and pretend
you don't know me. But then of course, we wouldn't be able to help it
but stare at each other because of course we would feel that we were
made for each other :) so you would come up to me and look down at me
and I would lean against this wall and you would come closer and
closer and say things that I wouldn't be able to understand because
you would make me so nervous with your heart beat and your eyes and
your lips and your fro and your breath and your shoulders and your arms and your
hands and your whole body so close that it is almost unbearable.

Another phantasie was that you would just come from behind as a big surprise and hold me
and i would lean against you and see you and everybody would know that
I am taken and that they can't even bother to try and talk to me in
this annoying way. I would hold your hand so they would see.
Even if we would be standing apart from each other
we would also be able to see each other and look at each other and
just know by one glance that nothing can come inbetween us. The air so
thick that you can cut it...i would feel your warmth aginst my ass,
you would just hold me, be there with your beautiful shoulders and
everything would be okay.
lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll remember when we
were in that practice room, it was dark and i wore a skirt...the
orange one (my sister has that one now...olalala) and you pressed me
against the wall and with one hand you pressed the door so nobody
could come in and with the other you pressed me and we kissed so much
and so deep and so hot that it kind of washed away both of us. and the
skirt was so convenient :) you felt me and how wet you made me. you
could make me crazy just like that. And then, how you would look at me
with all earnesty in your eyes, saying something that just is beyond everything.
I wish for the day to come that I can trust you like that again. It was just so beautiful...
I miss you so much my love....
i left shortly after midnight because it was a really shitty party and
chilled a little bit at Famima's where you and the Italian and I went that
one time when you came back. You stared at me that night as if your
eyes were glowing pieces of coal. It was pretty intense. And you were
talking about the song 'crazy'. That night was the only night i think
we really pulled it off being just 'friends'. You stayed just for one
hour and we played guitar together. and then i broke your thumb
because we were tickeling or fighting each other like stupid teenagers
who are in love but don't dare to say it and then they have to find
other ways of touching each other....
Anyhow, so i was sitting there at Famima's and suddenly the Italian was
there ! haha. and he is of course, hey how are you, haven't seen you
in forever (the last time was with you) and like the second thing he
asks, of course, is, so whats with your man.....carefully asking, since he didn't know whether we managed to stay broken up or not....of course we didn't!

I can't sleep now. I am thinking about so many things. I miss waking
up in your arms. I miss smiling at you in the morning. I miss feeling
your love. I miss hearing your voice. I miss your eyes. I miss the way
you look at me. I miss the way you talk to me. I miss the way you take
care of me. I miss the way you show me that I am yours. I miss
everything about you. Even the annoying things. I miss being cute and
adorable with you. You make me be and feel so sweet sometimes, nobody
else can do that. I really miss that about you. Of course you can make
me also really furious and mad but you are again, the only one who can
also turn me around in a second and I can't ever be mad at you longer
than five seconds. You are the sweetest and most understanding PMS
boyfriend I can imagine. I miss your hands on my ass and my smaller
back and my belly and my thighs and my neck and my head. I miss your
hands on my face. Your tongue and your lips and your sweet kiss. I
miss the dent in your chest. I miss your chest hair. I miss your belly
button. I miss your king Richard he is so smooth and perfect in my
hand and in my mouth and on my body. I miss growing with you
it is so amazing how everything
will work out, hopefully, one day.
I miss snuggling up to your neck in the morning. holding you and
smelling you. you smell so good. and then I would turn around and you
hold me in a warm embrace from behind and I can't escape and I never
would want to and I would feel like in a nest in your arms. and I
would be the bird. And I would always return to this nest because it
is so perfect and so warm and so lovely.
yes yes yes...
so that's enough late night phantasies.
have a good day at the basketball game and don't forget me

te iubesc danuts, fuarte molt.